


Tulips

by orphan_account



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Drabble, Hanahaki Disease, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-11
Updated: 2020-05-11
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:48:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24127660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Hanamaki doesn't have any meaning between them. He is nothing.
Relationships: Hanamaki Takahiro/Matsukawa Issei
Kudos: 61





	Tulips

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Scalytta](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scalytta/gifts).



> This MatsuHana is dedicated to Nessa (@Scalytta_ (anitwt)) with a prompt: Hanahaki Disease. 
> 
> Sorry if I just made a kind of palindrome and did not meet expectations, and deliberately hurt everything.
> 
> (Hanahaki is a disease that arises from unrequited love and which causes a patient to cough. Starting from the petals, then when the disease worsens: intact flowers. This condition can be treated through surgery, but once the flower is released, feelings for loved ones will also disappear forever, in the case of no surgery, the patient dies.)
> 
> Plot: mixed

Hanamaki feels like the worst person in the world. He felt like someone who had never been invited to their friendship from the start. He only came to their lives and it slowly hurt him, slowly, slowly, until he broke his own heart. Damaging and tearing him physically, forcing him to choose a cruel choice—where he could not choose.

But maybe, maybe he let himself sink into a sea of beautiful blue flower petals adorned with blood red.

He didn't realize that before.

* * *

Iwaizumi once told him about melting snow when it was freezing. Oikawa once told him about the stars that are interconnected with each other in the sky; they will look radiant in summer, but even though black clouds cover them, they still exist.

Hanamaki remembers their sentences, implanting them in his heart with calmness, an umbrella to the point of being saturated—but maybe Hanamaki will never get bored. Whatever that means; both figuratively and literally.

What he remembered the most was when Matsukawa told him: "I'm nothing."

Hanamaki raised his eyebrows, humming with amusement. "You're nothing."

"Yeah," Matsukawa sighed, leaned his hands to the ground, raised his face parallel to the clear blue sky, his eyes narrowed slightly due to the sudden rays. "I'm just a passing wind."

"Too cliche, Mattsun."

"I'm just following," Matsukawa smiled, and Hanamaki hoped he could still remember that in his next life. "If it's from winter, I bring cold. If it's from summer, I bring warmth. If it's from a storm, I'll make it worse."

"That's scary."

"Indeed."

That's not much, if Hanamaki doesn't understand what Matsukawa means.

And he hopes he will never understand. Forever.

* * *

One petal, two petals; Hanamaki was holding his chest—pounding it, symptoms had begun.

Actually, from the beginning he met three of his best friends, Hanamaki had guessed that in his lungs there were flower seeds. Only it was still fast asleep, so he let it go; allowing himself to care for the flower seeds he has, watering and fertilizing continuously until they grow, even when it is almost falling out because of too much fertilizer.

Hanamaki does not stop and does not want to stop until it actually grows and one by one the petals begin to jump out of his lungs.

One thing he knows too, is that Matsukawa will never restore his feelings.

And one other thing, too, is that Hanamaki will never get rid of his feelings.

The angel of death smiles.

* * *

Their friendship began to fall apart when Iwaizumi finally had a lover, proposed to his girlfriend, asked Oikawa to be his best man, and married.

Hanamaki should be able to control it from the beginning. He should understand and help their story, straightening their story as it was carved into the stars.

But Hanamaki is too selfish with his feelings that he doesn't care about his best friend's feelings.

On the specified Iwaizumi's wedding day, they got word that Oikawa had an accident that caused him to lose his sight.

The following night, Hanamaki sat by the hospital bed, and the doctor called him; told him that they were taking thorny roses that had flourished and enlarged, lodged in Oikawa's lungs.

The following month, Matsukawa told Hanamaki that he had proposed to Oikawa.

* * *

"Damn," Hanamaki cursed, holding tightly to the edge of the cold white tile. Beautiful fragile tulips in the shade of the waterfall from his lips, slipping through his fingers where the blood flowed, welling up gracefully.

Very beautiful, as if to mock Hanamaki how beautiful the fruit of his suffering.

While thinking about the pain, another great coughing attack attacked him brutally and in succession. He put his arm around himself as the burn on his lungs became more painful.

Hanamaki straightened his back, stepped back to sit on the cold floor and leaned back.

"Goddamn it."

He knows. He knew very well that eventually, the flowers would clog up his lungs and throat and he would die. But he can't let go. He could not throw away his feelings. Even with the price of his life.

Hanamaki can't destroy his best friend's relationship. Especially for Oikawa, he had suffered more, he could not just slip away and make the reason for his friend's life thinner.

He would rather to die.

* * *

"What's wrong with you?" Matsukawa supported Hanamaki's body which was starting to lose its balance.

Didn't Matsukawa see that Hanamaki's face was as pale as a corpse, his lips were white, his eye bags were thick and blackened?

Hanamaki raised his face to meet with a worried look from Matsukawa, raised his trembling arm to reach his best friend, his love—slipped through his wave hair.

"I don't know if I can survive to watch you two swear before God."

Hanamaki coughs, blossoms and more blood.

Matsukawa's eyes widen.

"I'm sorry, Issei."

The air between them froze.

Matsukawa's gaze went blank.

"No. I'm sorry."

Hanamaki smiled.

* * *

_"You can keep up with the weather, still be accepted and needed, succeed if necessary. You're still part of an important element of life._

_"As for me, I'm just nothing."_

_"What does it mean?"_

_"There is no point. Just as I said."_

* * *

Even when Hanamaki watched the story of his best friend who continued from the star calmly and smiled, everything was getting messy.

Matsukawa was sure that Hanamaki couldn't even smile.

Matsukawa Issei has ruined his life, even life after his death.

* * *

Oikawa walked a little around the wall to enter the room.

"Issei, you haven't slept yet? What are you doing?"

"Looking for the meaning of rain lilies?"

"Why?"

"Just curious."

"And have you found it?"

"I love you again, I will atone for my sins, I will never forget you."

Oikawa dropped the glass.

* * *

_Everything broke into pieces._


End file.
